A man’s wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed, so he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they’ve had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, “Oh, shit! It’s so late, my wife’s going to kill me! Have you got any talcum powder?” She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands. Then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is really pissed off. “Where the hell have you been?!?!” “Well, honey, it’s like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her.” “Oh yeah?” She grabs his hands, which are covered with white powder, and screams, “You liar! You went climbing again!!!

Why climbing is better than sex. A man’s perspective, by John Byrnes

• When you climb, you only have to get yourself to the peak.
• If you climb with someone other than your regular partner, no one gets mad, in fact, you can all three climb together and share protection!
• You can reuse your protection, and someone else even cleans for you, provided you don’t put it in too deep.
• There IS such a thing as being too overhung.
• You can get belayed without first bekissing.
• A good hand jam can be as satisfying as any other kind of jam.
• No matter how many times you fall off, you can always climb back on.
• Having a belay slave is not a criminal offence.
• The rocks never expect you to call afterward.
• Friction is a positive quality when you’re climbing.
• The rocks don’t care if you show up late.
• The rocks don’t complain after 7 or 8 pitches.
• When you’re climbing, a good two-finger jam will support your body weight.
• Your belayer never hesitates when you yell “TAKE!”
• When you’re climbing, weird body positions are considered “cool”.
• The rocks don’t scream for help when you try for the on-sight flash.
• Your climbing partner doesn’t complain when you don’t want to do cracks anymore and want to do some face.
• A three-finger pocket isn’t too big.
• You don’t have to wait an hour after getting pumped-out.

Why climbing is better than sex. A woman’s perspective, by Ilana Stern

• The rock is always hard.
• Rocks are never busy watching football when you’d rather climb.
• Rocks don’t complain about the kind of protection you want to use.
• You can go climbing with another woman and nobody will call you names or hassle you.
• You can use ropes and harnesses and nobody will think you’re kinky.
• You can go climbing any time of the month.
• It’s over when *you* reach the peak.
• You won’t die of embarrassment if your mother finds your rock gear.
• If it’s in too deep, you can yank on a nut.
• Nobody ever got pregnant rock climbing!
• If you need something REAL BIG, you can always put in a Big Bro’!

Top 10 reasons climbing is better than sex…

• Choice of novice or expert routes
• A climb can last all day
• Guidebooks tell you how many visitors have been there before you
• Can pick the length and diameter of your rope
• There is always someone backing you up in case you fall off
• You can leave your protection behind for the next guy
• Lots of tight cracks
• It’s not considered kinky to wear a harness
• The only rubber you wear is on your feet
• There are still rocks that haven’t been touched